Following a recent encounter with one of my beloved “Aspies” it occurred to me that no matter how much we invest in the relationship on a moment by moment basis, we never seem to build "good will" with them. One small inadvertent omission on our part, and the whole thing seems to collapse. Nothing we've invested seems to have meaning.
I often find in conversations at support group meetings and also in counselling that we talk about the “black hole” - how we pour so much into the relationship and get nothing back, that “lack of reciprocation”, but what I’m writing about here seems more than that.
Good will is like insurance. Mistakes & offences are inevitable in any relationship, but if there's good-will, the offence is offset by this and reconciliation is possible, desired and sought after.
With an AS person, it seems to be about how they have been affected by what happened, and that is all.
So, we invest our souls with no guarantee of a return, make one mistake, the relationship is leveled to the ground and they don't know how to repair or re-build, that's up to us.
Thinking in terms of investment and insurance, the risks are incredibly high, inevitable.
No wonder we get burnt out. Still we keep hoping, and re-building, until ...
(This article was written on a day when I was feeling particularly discouraged)
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