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How much is too much?


Sometimes when we calmly but firmly push through with a preference or plan of our own, we may find that our partner is able to eventually come to terms with it in spite of the meltdowns and resistance they display in the process.  Bravely plan and persist.  One challenge at a time.  Calmly.  Firmly.

I suspect that in the process of constantly obliging and adapting around our partner’s needs and preferences (which to them are paramount, remember “theory of mind”), we inadvertently fail to define ourselves as individuals in their eyes, or our own.  This also establishes a pattern that becomes “the way things are always done”.

Eventually, we recognise we have lost our “sense of self”, and we realise that they recognise us only as a passenger and enabler in their life.

Not only do we lose our sense of self, but the whole family loses out on the enrichment that we could bring to the home and life - our personality, individuality, warmth and gifts.  What a sad loss.

One of our members recently sent through the following words by Dr Phil:

If you have to stop being all of who you are to be half of a couple, it's a bad deal.
If you give up your identity,
If you give up your thoughts,
Your feelings,
Your beliefs,
Your preferences,
Your needs,
You give up all of that in the service of another,
Then you've lost who you are.
The price is too high.

Thank you Dr Phil.
Carol Grigg

For those who’d like to see a good, simple explanation about “theory of mind” follow this link:  http://visuals.autism.net/visuals/main.php?g2_itemId=76

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